fall in love

What if you fall in love with your shrink?

This is an opportunity to seize to explore the relationship to the other.

His mania for crossing his legs when you say a good word, his smile, his varnish color which changes every week, his grip, this very specific way of being yours… it sparkles, makes you laugh, you feel both light and heavy-hearted, you are in love. From your shrink.

Good news: you are not convinced that your shrink harbors feelings towards you. It would be a little more serious, even delusional (or so he confided it to you and, in that case, run away!) Erotomania is a form of paranoia which can be superficial or deeply structural and which consists of attributing to the other our own loving intentions. This interpretation of the signs, we all suffer from it more or less. It gets boring when belief takes precedence over doubt. Certainty that will inevitably bring you to a first positive emotion, then a tumble through spite, sadness, anger, harassment and sometimes lead you to physical aggression: “It’s her fault too, she love (no) and make me think it’s in my head (yes).

Don’t panic, let’s not go that far, here it is you who have fallen in love and you are wondering what to do. As with any beginning of crush, I would tend to advise you: get started! Invite her to dinner, offer her a movie, declare yourself, damn it! First possibility, the least probable: he or she accepts, run away. Second answer: a reminder of the framework and a reference to your feelings as the manifest expression of a request for love. Who, what, how, why: only you can answer. And this is precisely where it gets interesting… or not.

The affection and aggressiveness specific to transference love bear witness to our unconscious and to a story that still eludes us a little too much.

This feeling of love, psychoanalysis classifies it in what it calls “transference love ” . That is to say all the expressions of affection, but also of aggressiveness that the patient feels towards his shrink. These events can become a real lever to move forward, if we allow ourselves to hear them as witnesses to our unconscious and to a story that still eludes us a little too much. We then take the trouble to extract ourselves from what is at stake between ourselves and the analyst in order to explore more broadly our relationship to the other, in our current life, but also in the past. We no longer talk about ourselves and the shrink, but about ourselves and others to our shrink.

On the other hand, if the psychotherapy is made up only of these moments of love and aggression towards the shrink and that they explode instead of playing a little music at low noise, this indicates two things. This therapist may not be for you, it happens. He is not sufficiently forgotten and he makes remarks that block you. When you raise them, he insists and you focus on what he expects of you. But maybe it’s you who cares about this score of desire? She protects you. She rocks you. You know it by heart. She supports you. It allows you to achieve what drives you: dissatisfaction or the impossible.

To be satisfied with dissatisfaction or desire as impossible

In the first case, you harbor repeated rejection. However, you deploy extraordinary strategies, an exemplary seduction. The good side is that we never get bored with you: who could resist you? Nevertheless, it is a failure. And this failure is life-saving. I dare not imagine the meeting of your fantasy and a real relationship with your shrink. It is the dissatisfaction that pushes you to come back to work on yourself. One day you may realize this: it will be a great moment.

The second case is a bit more complex. What makes you get up in the morning is desire as impossible. Everything is good to keep your thoughts, your fantasies, your desires at bay. Basically, falling in love with your shrink is the best way you’ve found to stop seeing him or not to let him go. In a way, you tell yourself that it’s already screwed up. By the time you make the decision to stop this little game, it will probably have been ten years. As much as the dissatisfied declares himself, is rejected and, never mind, returns there; as much as the impossible has already inflicted the sentence of death row on itself even before having declared itself guilty of desiring.

Falling in love with your shrink, yes. The question is not what to do, but: what to do with it?

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