Threesome , foursome, orgy, swinging … More people means more fun, right? Well it depends! But as a sexologist, let me give you advice so that everything is only respect and pleasure!
Did you know that group sex was one of the most popular “non-standard” practices in Alfred Kinsey’s biggest sex poll in 1948? Moreover, group sex is still a very common fantasy , and this, among all genders. In this article, I’m here to tell you that this fantasy can come true, when accompanied by respect.
Without further ado, here’s a little guide to making a success of your first part of buttocks in the air with several people.
Be on the same wavelength
It may be cliché to say, but the key to a good sexual relationship really is communication . Otherwise, there’s no way for your partners to read your thoughts or guess what you like. You gain more from being honest and direct in your requests. Moreover, it is important to choose the partners with whom to live this experience with care: friends , acquaintances, strangers ?
To do this, I advise you to organize a pre-sex party that is dedicated to sharing information about your sexual experience with others. Whether you are in a couple, in an open relationship or single , it is always better to clearly express your limits and hear those of your partners.
For example, you can name (or even write on paper) the sexual practices that you like and especially those that you don’t like or are not comfortable with. This conversation is essential to have before doing anything since it is quite possible that someone in your group has already experienced sexual violence . Together you can determine a ” safe-word ” , which allows sexual activity to stop immediately if something goes wrong.
In addition, this first meeting serves as an icebreaker and helps to increase the sexual tension!
Consent: at any time!
As a sexologist, I cannot continue this guide to group sex without talking to you about sexual consent since even if it is a concept that is increasingly publicized, there are still people who do not know what it is. .
In law, sexual consent is legitimate when it is given voluntarily, freely, and in an informed way, and it continues over time . In this regard, a person who is asleep or whose functions are too impaired by the consumption of drugs and alcohol cannot consent to a sexual relationship. That being said, I strongly advise you to have your first experience together while being sober , to avoid any misunderstanding, discomfort or bad surprise.
Finally, a person who consents to sexual activity beforehand (ie two days or two minutes before the sexual relationship) has the right to change their mind and withdraw their consent. Consent must also be enthusiastic! And who says enthusiasm, says tenfold pleasure of the senses!
To help you out a bit, here are some sexy and concise ways to ask for consent during sex :
- How far do you want us to go?
- Does it suit you that way?
- Do you like this? Please tell me what you like…
- Describe your erogenous zones and what gives you pleasure
- Can I touch you there?
- Would you like to try something new?
- Do you want me to continue or do you want me to do something else to satisfy you?
- Do you want to take a break? Do you want me to stop?
- Would you like me to slow down or change the pace?
- How are you?
Sexual health: why and how?
To take advantage of the moment, you must first think about protecting yourself . Although contracting sexually transmitted and blood-borne infections (STBBIs) does not make you a dirty person, some of them can be dangerous for your health. Indeed, there is no shame in having an STBBI , but it is still preferable to avoid them as much as possible.
Before having unprotected sex , I recommend that the whole group participating in the experiment go and get tested . For protection you can choose external condoms, dental dams, latex gloves, and for human immunodeficiency virus (HIV) there is even pre-exposure prophylaxis, an oral medication that can be taken before sexual relationship that carries a risk of exposure to this virus.
In addition, it is necessary to ensure that the weight of the burden of contraception does not rest solely on the person or persons who have a vagina, but rather to agree on the best option that protects everyone! In short, think about it in advance to have fun safely once in the heat of the moment!
Make it fun without being modest
Once everyone is consenting, the important thing in a sexual relationship is to think about your pleasure. To do this, I invite you to explore the world of toys and kink . Why not add a toy to the equation? You can even shop it together! Lubricant will also be your best friend.
Regarding kink , know that there are electric games, impact games such as spanking, sensation games (hot, cold, deprivation), bondage games, psychological games such as discipline, games of roles, and many more! Attention: each game requires a level of learning and do not forget the transmissibility of STBBIs or the health risks! I therefore encourage it only to experts on the subject, since each person must consent and take a share of responsibility and commitment.
Let’s stay realistic
When it comes to group sex in the porn industry, we often see the same thing: two women giving pleasure to a man. In fact, it is very common that early porn use among people who have penises remains their only reference to sexuality.
It is essential to realize that sexual relations, when carried out with several people, do not resemble what one sees in the pornography industry!
Here is what you do not see in pornography , which can happen in any sexual relationship, and which is to be normalized further:
- The giggles.
- Loss of erection and the need for breaks.
- Fall out of bed.
- Stretch marks and scars.
- The “queefs” or flatulence of vulva.
- The awkward changes of positions.
- Leg cramps.
- Sweat, lots of sweat.
- Find a hair in his mouth.
- Difficulty removing clothes.
- Moments of confusion or awkwardness.
- Gestures and attentive looks towards the partner(s)! – Yes, because we are here for the pleasure and the experience above all – as much to appreciate the humans who accompany us in this plan to 3, 4 or more!
In conclusion, I hope you will understand that group sex has several important aspects to check before action. Once everything is well planned, we can have more fun, and this, without taboos!