Finding a partner on dating apps and sites can be tricky, even though the options are plentiful. So a therapist has put together some tips to make the process less disappointing and help you succeed.
Finding a partner, in general, is not a long calm river (although there are lucky people who find the love of their life on the first try), but if we add to this the search through applications, then sometimes it seems almost impossible.
First, some profiles don’t tell the whole truth (are biographies on Tinder trustworthy?), then there’s the question of preferences: some people are looking for a stable partner, others only love affairs. one evening… and if you don’t make it clear what you are looking for, there can be misunderstandings.
However, there are steps you can take to make finding a partner online a little easier, or at least less disappointing. What others do is not up to you, of course, but how you approach your search can help a lot.
That’s what Shana B. Diskant , a couples therapist who shared her tips on how to improve your dating on dating sites and apps. So grab a pen and paper, or your phone’s Notes app, and jot down the expert’s advice.
Choose the right app
Diskant’s first tip is to be honest with yourself and be clear about what you’re looking for. Just want a one night stand? Great, go ahead. Do you want to find a stable partner? Go ahead, but before you start, be clear about what you want.
This brings us to talk about the choice of applications. If you know what you want, then it’s easier to go to the app or website that can best help you. Some people have found their soul mate on Tinder, but it’s generally an app where you tend to find people who aren’t looking for the serious stuff, so if that’s not your thing, maybe you should look for other apps that match your needs.
Be clear about the type of person you are interested in
The therapist recommends making a list of five characteristics (related to personality, not physical or work) so that you can more easily swipe left before or after a date.
Don’t wait too long for the first date
If you find someone interesting, go on a first date quickly. For the expert, spending weeks texting only slows down the process, because no matter how much you may like someone online, if you meet them and there’s no connection in the real life, it’s useless. The sooner you meet, the sooner you’ll find out, and if that’s not what you’re looking for, the easier the breakup will be.
Likewise, if certain issues are important to you (for example, you’re looking for someone to start a family with), Diskant recommends talking about them early on. If you want something safe and the other person doesn’t, there’s no point in dragging things out. The sooner you put your cards on the table, the less disappointment there will be.
And above all, the expert advises you to be patient. It’s not always easy, and even if some dates don’t work out, that’s okay. It’s not your problem or anyone else’s, sometimes there’s just no connection, but you have to keep trying if that’s what you want.